Humiliation

Does anyone really know the meaning of this word unless it is experienced? I mean, one could very well know the definition, but what about the subtlety of the word itself? The connotations it has? The emotions behind the word itself? To bring it into perspective for you, let me just say that there are so many different definitions that lead from one to the other. For instance, upon researching this word, you will find that it has several conjugations and meanings. For the root word; humiliate, the meaning is all of these; state of disgrace or loss of self-respect; chagrin: strong feelings of embarrassment; an instance in which you are caused to lose your prestige or self-respect. Whoa! I haven't even gotten to the word of the day yet and we have all those possible meanings. As for the word; humiliation, the listed definition is; (also called stultification) is the abasement of pride, which creates mortification or leads to a state of being humbled or reduced to lowliness or submission.

So am I being told that pride is the source of humiliation? That if I was to swallow my pride ere go I could not feel humiliation? The type of humiliation I speak of is not being humbled; I speak of being completely horrifically embarrassed and mortification. So, what is the source of my pride? Is this the path I must search in order to dispel the humiliation brought to me on a silver platter? Pride, such another awesome word with subtlety and connotations. However, back to humiliation; how do you know if the humiliation you are feeling is from pride or some other negatively working emotion? What if the humiliation is personal, below the belt but out in the open for all to see;as in the kind to make you feel less of a person? What if it feels like it has nothing to do with pride and everything to do with being played dirty by another?

Reviewing the words of my life is not an easy task; and one I fear that will become more difficult under self-examination. Not very long ago I was reminded that pride is a bitter pill to swallow; to expect it because it doesn't change. In letting go of my pride, must it all go? Does a part stay to support my being, my sense of self? Somewhere out there, a solution to humiliation is awaiting my discovery; from one stop to the next, I will search to find it. If I do find that the source of my humiliation is my pride; well all I can say is "bottoms up" as I take that first bitter taste. "Salud!"