Judgement Day

Normally, upon reading the phrase "judgement day", some experience a cold, rushing dread through their body. However, this is a particular type of judgement day and it is not one that sends such feelings through my body. This day has been coming for years now; four years and eight months to be exact. In four days I will stand before a judge and give statements for the record in order to be free of the chains that bound me in a personal Hell. There could never be any other feeling but one of relief that this is finally going to be over, that I will finally be allowed to breathe once again. It is not being overly dramatic to state the prior, it is just the simple truth, worded evocatively for a reader's delight. For them to understand the severity of the situation without putting into words the actual deeds that made it so. Deeds that until now have gone unmentioned and packed into a box in the furthest reaches of my mind.

Four years and five months is how long it took for me to build up the courage, the strength and the wherewithal to step out on my own; away from the chaos. Each day that followed brought new strength and determination to my wounded soul as it slowly started to heal the scars. To be able to see the world in a new light, one that was bright and beautiful, not dark and hopeless; was nothing short of a miracle. A miracle for myself and for my children; the littlest and most innocent of entities. It was for them that I gathered my strength, my courage and myself together; because they deserve better, so much better.

Three months of living in the light and having faith in all things has made all the difference in the world. I am almost me and my word does it feel superb. Never, ever, under any circumstances would I go back into the dark. To be this "me" is immensely, graciously wonderful. To have hope, faith, courage, fortitude again; to feel my heart beat with positive emotions. Before I was starved for emotions that uplifted; and never again will I starve my soul. Never again will I become the shell of a person I once knew; wondering where I lost "her" in the mix. This moment in my life; while having strife, is one that I would never change. I would live this moment forever; because now, I have truly found "me".

So, for that; this judgement day does not bode ill for myself; nor for my life. This judgement day is the promise that the future is bright with opportunities, reason and of course; the light that I had lost so long ago.